Lazy Girls Guide to Romance

I am not known for my energy. In fact, if I could trademark laziness, I would!

So, when it comes to setting the stage for romance I really don’t want to put in a whole lot of effort. After all, I’ll need what little energy I have for the huffing and puffing that comes later…

Is it only me that feels like that? Surely not.

Just in case you feel the same, here are some of my favourite tools for a romantic environment – without raising a sweat.

Romantic Glowing Candles.gardenia

These are fantastic.  Just hit the button and they light up.  I can do it without having to get out of my chair!   Best of all, there is no mess and no smell because there is no flame!  These are real wax candles but instead of a wick they have little LED lights that create the glow.  You can even choose from a range of scented candles to perfume your boudoir.  Make mine gardenia, please.

A Hot Stone Massage

Well you need to be feeling relaxed and flexible for a good roll in the hay, don’t you?  Well, that’s what you can tell him.  You really need a mgadget-shop--8d90c9dbf82db73771576d6740916bc7assage to help you get into the mood.  A hot stone massage would be just perfect.  All you have to do is lie there while he places the heated stones on you. This Spa Hot Rocks set comes with instructions so he will know exactly what to do.

Self Stirring Mug

Once it’s all over you’ll need a good hot drink to help you recover your energy.  That means that you want one that doesn’t involve hard work like stirring in your sugar.  Luckily I have found a mug that is perfect for post-coital recovery.  It’s the self stirring mug and it’s wonderful.

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Now all you need is someone to tuck you into bed so you can have a good night’s sleep and you’ll be set for another hard day of being adored tomorrow.

Eat More Chocolate

948588_loveheart“Ms FeetUp, you can’t possibly need that whole block to yourself”

“Darling, you’re lucky I’m limiting myself to the one!”

I hear that comment quite often. One day I decided that I was tired of people commenting on my chocolate habit so I did some research. Did you know that chocolate is almost a health food?

Well, perhaps it isn’t quite as healthy as I’d like it to be but at least I can justify my obsession in the face of all those objections.   I have compiled this list of the benefits of chocolate so that you too can have a ready response next time someone looks snidely at your chocolate stash.

I should also mention that no chocolate was harmed in the process of my research although a few blocks were demolished.

The good things chocolate does for you:

  1. The Hershey Research centre did a study on cocoa vs. fruit powders. The results showed that chocolate has more antioxidants and flavonoids, especially dark chocolate.
  2. Chocolate is good for the mood.  It causes the body to produce endorphins, which stimulate the pleasure center of the brain. 
  3. Nutritionists say that chocolate is not fattening if eaten in moderation.
  4. Chocolate protects against heart disease and cancer. It’s all those little antioxidants in there that are doing you good.
  5. If you’re really worried about putting on weight , try drinking cocoa instead of eating chocolate, since it generally has a much lower fat content.
  6. There are properties in chocolate that reduce the likelihood of blood clots so that helps prevent stroke.
  7. Chocolate makes you live longer. Truly. If you don’t believe me, have a look at the study.
  8. It’s possible that chocolate helps ease the symptoms of menopause. Dark chocolate relaxes the body and can boost your immune system.
  9. We know that chocolate is essential for coping with PMS. Ask the many husbands who use it as a defence mechanism at that time of the month.
  10. Recent studies by Nestle say that chocolate can improve the health of the bacteria in your gut.

So, chocolate really can be good for your health.  I should point out that the research refers to dark chocolate which has a high content of antioxidants and other minerals.

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If you’d like some more technical detail, have a look at this.

Better Health Victoria lists the following nutrients and tells us how they help our bodies:

• Protein – needed for cell maintenance and repair.
• Fat – varies, but chocolate is generally 30–45 per cent fat, of which about half is saturated fat.
• Vitamin E – a fat-soluble vitamin essential for cell membranes.
• Calcium, phosphorus and magnesium – minerals essential for strong bones and teeth.
• Iron – needed to form haemoglobin, the oxygen-carrying compound in blood.
• Caffeine and theobromine – nervous system stimulants.
• Copper – assists iron metabolism, formation of melanin (in hair and skin) and functioning of the central nervous system.
• Sugars – varies, but often make up about 50 per cent.
• Antioxidant phytochemicals (such as flavonoids) – cocoa beans, the main ingredient of chocolate (particularly dark chocolate), contain more than 600 plant chemicals, including antioxidants, that may protect against heart disease and cancer.

The Champagne Fairy.

Fairy_iconWhen I was just a little fairy I had a problem.  I couldn’t fly straight at all.  My mother always said to me “Honey, you were born with two left wings.”   She said that my theme song should be “Straighten up and fly right”.

I loved to fly, but I got into so many accidents that I ruined almost all of my tutus.  One day I was flying to school and accidentally flew into the bushes.  Another day I was helping my mother to do the shopping. As I hovered over the thistledown I flew into a bee and he chased us all the way home.  My tutus all had holes in them and I always looked a little tattered.

I was not a successful fairy.  I could talk the talk, but not fly the fly.

As I got older my flying skills worsened.  I often ended up with my nose parked in a tree because I was checking out the boys while I flew.  I grew to be quite at home in a bird’s nest (it took the birds longer to get used to my crash landings).

Eventually the time came when I had to grow up.  It was time for me to graduate from fairy school.  Sometimes I think they allowed me to graduate to ease the strain on their budgets.  I sent so many flying instructors to the hospital with various injuries that I accidentally caused during my lessons that it was probably cheaper to get rid of me!

I am the shy type.  If I could fly straight I think I would be braver, but I really prefer to hide among the flowers and just watch things happening.  Unfortunately at graduation we all had to air-dance for the audience.  My partner was already bruised from our practice931768_champagne sessions.

I will never admit to anyone how I got my hands on a whole bottle of champagne, but I did.  I drank it all.  It was for medicinal purposes only!  By the time I drained the bottle I was feeling a whole lot better.  I felt that I could do anything!

I dressed in my new gossamer gown and met my partner for the ceremony.  We flew off together into the sunset as my parents proudly looked on.

I will tell you one thing.  I can fly a whole lot better after a bottle of champagne than I can without it!  At the ceremony I danced up a storm!  Even my partner was impressed.  I didn’t fly him over once!   Before we left to go home the police moths asked me to fly the straight line.  Guess what?  I did it!  I had never before flown so straight. 

Now, this isn’t something I’d recommend.  I wasn’t quite so pleased with myself the next morning.  My wings were throbbing and droopy.  I didn’t feel well at all. Champagne isn’t something that you can drink without paying the price!  A fairy with a hangover is not a fairy at all – she’s got the temper of a wasp. 

Now that I am older I am quite happy to fly crooked.  I still get to where I am going but ooh the sights I see on my crooked flight path!   Have I got some stories to tell you!  

But they will have to wait for another day…